Woman left traumatised by swinging says website 'facilitated abuse'

Woman left traumatised by swinging says website 'facilitated abuse' 18 hours ago Share Save Add as preferred on Google Catrin Nye , Jamie Bartlett , Kavita Puri and Ruth Mayer , BBC News Investigations and BBC Wales BBC Ruth says she continues to suffer flashbacks Warning: This story contains details of sexual acts When Ruth O'Grady reluctantly joined a swinging website, having been persuaded by her husband, she says, she told him she would never have sex in a car with a stranger. However, within months she was doing exactly that, and filming it to send to him. She says she had sex with strangers more than 100 times through the website, over an 18-month period. Ruth says she is traumatised and continues to suffer flashbacks. She first approached us three years ago and now, after careful consideration, has decided to tell her story using her full name. She wants it to be a warning to other women. She feels anger towards her former husband, Chris, but she also blames the UK's biggest swinging website. It gave him access to hundreds of men, she says, who he could ask to have sex with her. The BBC has approached Ruth's ex-husband with these allegations but he did not respond to them. Swinging typically involves couples meeting up and exchanging partners, but it can also involve just one half of the couple having the sexual encounters. For eight months, prompted by Ruth's story, the BBC has been investigating the UK's swinging scene. Some people told us they take part because they genuinely want to, but we found this is not always the case. Ruth says a website called Fabswingers "facilitated the abuse" she experienced. The site, which has more page views than any other swinging website, and claims to have 600,000 active monthly members, told us consent was the foundation of swinging. Separately, police forces across the UK have told us the site has been mentioned in hundreds of recent crime reports. Ruth also says that, while her story is not the same as that of French woman, Gisèle Pelicot - who insisted on a public trial of the men accused of raping her - the subsequent reaction to the Pelicot case has encouraged her to speak out. "Everyone was so shocked," she says. "I wasn't shocked at all." From when they met in north Wales in 2008, Chris had often raised the idea of Ruth having sex with other men - but she resisted, she says. Then, in 2021, after Ruth suffered a mental health crisis, he became her named carer. She was made to feel guilty, she says, that life had not turned out as they had planned. Her husband brought up swinging again and eventually, Ruth says, she gave in and agreed. "I know that can sound absolutely barmy to someone just hearing the story, but remember, this isn't overnight. Imagine being with someone for 12 years and them just convincing you of something." The pair joined FabSwingers and Ruth says she expected they might meet other couples. Instead, she says, the arrangement quickly became something different. Ruth was having